Espresso
by SimplyDazzling
Summary: Bella is starting her sophomore year in college. Giving up getting his life together, she becomes another one of Edward's distractions when the two meet in a coffee shop. The holes in his carefully constructed mask allow Bella to discover what has Edward so afraid to live. Being around her makes him question everything as the aftermath of tragedy brings them together.
1. Away From The Sun

**A/N: This chapter is merely an introduction to_ Espresso_. As the story unfolds, the chapter length will obviously increase. Chapters should be posted weekly, give or take, and I'm always happy to answer any questions in PMs or reviews! To those of you who stuck with me through _Miserable At Best_, no, the break in between chapters will not happen again. To everyone I already know, I can't wait to hear from you, and to everyone new, I can't wait to meet you guys. :)**

_**Full Summary:**_ Bella is beginning her sophomore year at the University of Portland with best friends Jacob and Alice. Using over-working herself as a coping mechanism to her farther's death three years ago, meeting Edward begins to change her perspective of life. While Edward appears to have it all together, she quickly learns how good of a show he is able to put on. Giving up getting his life together, Bella becomes another one of Edward's distractions. Loss brings them together and his fear of closeness keeps them apart. While he struggles to determine what he wants, she is forced to keep them both from falling apart in the process.

**espresso:** _finely ground coffee beans with a high concentration of caffeine, often times used for energy; to help wake up_

* * *

"Small vanilla latte for Mary," I called out.

Smiling politely as I handed Mary her drink order, I adjusted my apron before beginning the next order in line.

The weather outside had many crammed in the doors of the university's small coffee shop. On top of Portland's rainy weather, the first month back to school always had everyone more exhausted than usual, requiring extra caffeine to make it through the nightmare workload that was college.

I had worked at Café Mocha for a majority of second semester last year as a freshman and was welcomed back with open arms for the upcoming school year. Regardless of the long shifts, the caffeine-hungry customers, and the constant line out the door, I loved being a barista.

"Megan will take over for you. Why don't you give yourself a break, Bell. You've been here since six thirty this morning," Rosalie informed me.

Having been so busy this morning, I had failed to notice the time until glancing at the clock and saw that it was already almost eleven.

I smiled gratefully at her, moving out of the way to allow Megan to begin steaming the milk for the macchiato I had started.

Rosalie stopped me before I exited to the break room. "Bella, by break I mean close your eyes and relax for a few minutes. Not take out your psych notes and study," she rolled her eyes.

I grimaced before nodding. "Fine."

"_Break_," she repeated.

I shut the door behind me, taking off my sticky apron and sinking down into one of the chairs nearby. I let my eyes fall shut momentarily, listening to Rosalie's instructions and allowing myself a few moments to relax.

Not that my backpack wasn't tempting me from a few feet away.

I had known Rose since last year. We always seemed to have the same shifts, and from working with her so much, she ended up becoming one of my best friends. Even though she was constantly calling me out for my over-working tendencies, and our personalities were nearly polar opposite, we got along really well.

I checked the time on the clock, realizing I had a good ten minutes before I needed to head back to bar.

The next thing I knew I was being shaken and the first thing my eyes opened up to was Rose's irritated face. I instantly shot out of the chair I had been sleeping in and reached for my apron.

"_Bella_," she sighed. "That's the second time this week and it's only Wednesday."

I frowned, tying the strings of my apron together. "I know, Rose. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to just fall asleep like that."

She narrowed her eyes. "How many credits are you taking this year again?"

I bit my lip, looking down at the grown.

"Oh that's right, _twenty two," _she hissed before sighing. "Come on, Bella. What are you doing to yourself? All you do is work and study, and the four hours of the day when you aren't, sleep."

"22 credits isn't so bad," I defended.

"You already have enough credits to put you above most juniors, keep it up and next semester will be like senior year to you. When's the last time you've done something for yourself?" she demanded.

"I'm fine," I insisted while unable to stop a yawn. "And for the record I got five hours last night, not four."

Her eyes softened with concern. "You are wearing yourself into the ground, Bell. Save one of your five classes for next semester. Take a day off here and there. Let yourself have some actual fun."

"I don't have time for fun," I muttered, crinkling my nose. Despite my want to prove her solutions to be a bad idea, I couldn't because they weren't and I knew that ultimately, she was right.

She stopped me before I could reach for the door. "Susan came in early. Megan's got you on bar. Go back to your apartment and take an actual nap in an actual bed," she told me seriously, giving a disgusted roll to the plastic chair I had fallen asleep in.

I gave her a small grin. "You're the best."

"And don't you forget it," she pursed her lips in a smirk, flipping her shiny blond hair behind her shoulder.

Before leaving I thanked Susan and made a drink to bring back to Alice, and a doughnut from the bakery for Jacob.

I paused, glancing outside at the pouring cold rain, realizing I did not currently have or own an umbrella. I sighed before reaching for my hood and yanking it over my head. I placed a hand on the door, about to open it before I was stopped by a hand on my shoulder. I spun around to find a pair of bright green eyes looking down at me.

"You could use this more than me," he chuckled softly as I glanced down at the item he was holding out.

A smile spread across my lips as I looked from him to the umbrella. "No I couldn't," I insisted.

"I can't have my favorite barista getting sick on me," he countered with a smile of his own.

"Thank you," I replied gratefully, unable to stop the blush from reaching my face. "I'll see you around."

I would be lying if I said I wasn't thankful for the umbrella. During the entire over-a-mile walk back to my apartment I smiled to myself with the thought of the mystery, green-eyed umbrella donor. I guess chivalry wasn't dead after all.

Although his compliment about being his favorite was flattering, why had I not seen him in the shop before? I would have remembered him if I did. Unless Rosalie and everyone was right about my lack of sleep and I really was functioning through my days as a half-zombie.

Alice was in our apartment when I got back, curled up on the couch watching reruns of _How I Met Your Mother_. Her eyebrows rose in question. "You're home early."

"Rose sent me home. Apparently I'm overworked," I shrugged, handing her the coffee I brought her.

"_Bella_," she groaned. "You fell asleep again didn't you?"

I grimaced.

"Well yeah, generally it's a pretty bad sign when even though you work at a coffee shop you still manage to fall asleep. Rosalie is right. I know you need the money for school, and I know you have this weird death wish about the amount of credits you're taking, but why don't you take it easy this semester?"

I closed the umbrella I had been given, slipping off my shoes before plopping down on the couch next to her in exasperation.

"That would be too easy," I sighed with a teasing smile.

"Is Jacob coming over for dinner? It's Wednesday so I'm assuming yes," she asked before her eyes got really wide. "Can it be Italian tonight? Please? That would be just the best."

I laughed. "So I guess it's been a long week for the both of us so far. Yeah, he'll be here around six. You know," I began with a smirk. "Carbs won't solve our problems."

Taking advantage of the kitchen in our apartment this year I hadn't had the luxury of having last year in our dorm, I took it upon myself to use it frequently. Wednesday nights in particular were the nights I'd cook dinner to give all of us a break from TV dinners and Ramen. Besides, I loved to cook.

"They'll make studying for this exam a hell of a lot better though," she defended with a hopeless smile. "I don't get how you do it, Bella. Five classes? I can't even handle three."

It was my second year at Portland with Alice. Our freshmen year we had been paired as roommates and ever since then Alice was literally the sister I never had.

Leaving for college was a hard enough task in the first place, so once I got here, I figured I would take advantage of being here. With it being just Rene and I, I felt guilty leaving her in Phoenix by herself. After the first semester, however, it became easier to be away from her knowing it was what she wanted.

Besides, college was expensive, even with the scholarships and loans, the only way we could afford it was if I worked as much as I did. Anything after thirteen credits a semester was free, who wouldn't want to take advantage of that?

Even though I would never admit it to Rose or Alice, I knew what I was doing to myself was wrong. College was supposed to be hard, but how hard? Was I pushing myself too far?

As Alice requested, I went with spaghetti and homemade meatballs.

At six, Jacob showed up right on cue. "Trying to solve your problems via Italian food again, Alice?" he teased her as he walked in, smelling what I was currently cooking.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Go to hell, Jake."

"Not that I'm complaining. It smells amazing, Bells," he exclaimed in a daze, making it a point to glance over my shoulder at the meatballs and follow with a theatrical inhale.

I rolled my eyes. "There's a doughnut in the fridge for you since you threw such a fit about not getting one yesterday."

"At least someone here is the breadwinner," he grinned happily.

Jacob and I had been friends since freshmen year of high school. He was my best friend and knew me better than Alice did. Hell, at times it felt like he knew me better than I knew me.

I had the pleasure of watching him go from a lanky, acne-covered pubescent boy to this bulked up, college guy with a bottomless stomach and a paparazzi fan base of girls who followed him around the campus.

Of course the grown up version of Jacob was attractive, who wouldn't agree with that? Of course we had been bothered by nearly everyone about the fact that we weren't dating. That was a reasonable assessment for someone who didn't know our relationship to assume.

But Jacob was my Jacob, not my boyfriend. I can't remember an instance where he didn't have my back, or one where he wasn't making snarky comments to me. We worked well as best friends and anything past that was unnecessary. It was like an unspoken agreement we had always had. I loved Jacob, but I could never see myself in love with Jacob.

Jake set the table and once the food was ready, Alice danced to her seat, wasting no time piling scoop after scoop of pasta on to her plate.

"You won't be a hundred pounds forever, Al," Jacob teased as she finally passed the bowl to him.

"Not all of us can be candidates for Abercrombie, you know," she replied acidly.

This time he stuck his tongue out at her.

"Bella fell asleep again at work," Alice tattled halfway through the meal. I shot her a glare before I turned to see the one he was shooting me.

"Jesus Christ, Bella. Do Alice and I have to take turns watching you and making sure you're actually sleeping instead of working or studying for one of your bajillion classes?"

"Ugh, guys, can lecture Bella day be done for the day," I grumbled as I shoved a large forkful of spaghetti into my mouth.

"For being the smartest girl I know you are also the stupidest," he informed me with a mouthful.

"Don't talk with your mouth full of food," I scolded.

"Don't take five classes and work 35 hours a week," he retorted.

I sank further into my chair, realizing any argument would be a lost cause with the two of them. Even though like with Rose, I knew what they were saying was probably right, I didn't have it in me to give in.

Instead, I made it my new mission to prove them wrong.

After my two morning classes the next day, I headed to work. It wasn't raining today, so I didn't need my borrowed umbrella. I brought it anyways though, incase I saw him again so I would be able to return it to him.

Unlike yesterday, I was able to remain awake and alert my entire shift. My green-eyed umbrella-savior never showed up. I don't know why I was expecting him to. I don't know why I was even thinking about it so much while I was making drinks the whole afternoon.

Alice and I had an extreme study session that night, and I also was able to have a long phone call with my mom. Apparently the blind date she went on that night went better than she was expecting and another one had already been set up for tomorrow night.

I had smiled to myself at the news of a possible new man in her life. It was hard to find someone to fit the fairy tail that had been my parents marriage. Ever since my dad died a few years ago she had not had too much luck in the men department.

I guess that made the two of us, really. It wasn't that I didn't want a boyfriend, or that things didn't get lonely sometimes, it was that I just never gave myself time. It wasn't because I didn't want to; it was because, like my mom had put it once, I hadn't met anyone worth giving up my time for. I wasn't sure whether I believed that, exactly, but I would stick with it until I proved otherwise.

If I didn't even have time for sleep, I sure as hell didn't have time for a man.

Besides, I had Jacob. He was kind of like having a boyfriend. Except not really.

The next couple days I made extra sure to be awake and focused, because I knew I was under major scrutiny from my concerned friends.

It wasn't that I didn't like sleep, or that I couldn't – even thought both of those reasons were valid and I chose to lie to myself continuously about it. Between work and my classes, I just never seemed to make time for enough of it anyways. While I called myself an overachiever, the term crazy had been tossed out a couple of times, by a couple of people.

Five classes wasn't that much – people did it all the time and were just fine.

I will admit the thirty five hour work weeks weren't typical for any college student, let alone one taking five classes, but I needed some way to pay for my tuition. The time I spent studying to be successful in all my classes was just more time I didn't seem to have.

Rene did what she could to help pay for Portland, but with her elementary school teacher salary there was only so much she could do. I considered going somewhere cheaper, but she insisted that between the two of us, we could manage. She didn't want me giving up a chance at a great education because something as little as money stood in my way.

She had seen how much I loved Oregon when I first toured. From the moment I was accepted she made it her mission to make sure I went.

The next week I carried the stranger's umbrella around in my backpack wherever I went, hoping I'd run into him somewhere so that I could return it. It looked like an expensive umbrella and I felt guilty about keeping it, even though I had already put it to good use multiple times since he hand lent it to me.

It was Oregon, after all. It seemed like all it did here was rain.

Maybe that's why I loved it so much here. It was such a pleasant change from the dry, Arizona air I had grown so used to. Here it was moist. There was green – everywhere. You didn't have to worry about not packing water and becoming dehydrated throughout the course of the day.

You could even where _sweatshirts_ here.

When I first came last fall, I had to renovate my entire wardrobe. Turns out the climate Portland and Pheonix didn't allow for interchangeable outfits. Even though Oregon had it's warm days, their warm days were considered my cold days in Arizona.

"One medium caramel mocha for Edward," I called out.

_Edward_. Now that was a name I had never heard on anyone younger than a hundred years old.

Looking away for a moment to reach for a sleeve to place around the cup, I looked back and was met by the eyes I had been looking for. My breath caught, not remembering just how bright they had been.

Before I was able to smile, or even hand him his drink, I blurted the first words that came to my mind.

"I have your umbrella."

If I weren't holding his hot drink I would have slapped myself in the face.

_Really, Bella?_

He laughed, finally taking his mocha from me. "You don't have to give it back, you know."

"It's Portland," I widened my eyes. "I'll feel way too bad taking yours from you."

As I studied his face and my eyes moved to his disheveled hair, I decided how tragic it would be if the rain were to mess it up. It seemed to dance it the light, sticking up in a million directions in a copper color I had never seen before.

I wasn't one to be taken by surprise but he caught me off guard. The hair, the eyes, the honey-sweet voice. His impeccably good choice of drink. I found myself wrestling with the butterflies in my stomach to catch my breath.

"I promise I'll be okay," he chuckled, smiling crookedly before taking a sip from his beverage.

I opened my mouth to say something but was interrupted before I could by the sound of someone clearing their throat. I glanced to my right to see the small line of orders that had developed. Rosalie shot me a warning glance and I quickly turned back to my new favorite customer.

"Bella," I told him with a shy smile.

"It was nice meeting you, Bella," he told me genuinely before shooting me a wink and repeating the words I had said to him last time we met. "I'll see you around."

And just like that I was wide awake for the remainder of my shift.

_Edward_.

My green-eyed umbrella savior now had a name.

Along with a place in my head for the rest of the day.

* * *

_It's down to this _  
_I've got to make this life make sense _  
_Can anyone tell what I've done _  
_I miss the life _  
_I miss the colours of the world _  
_Can anyone tell where I am_

_'Cause now again I've found myself  
So far down, away from the sun  
That shines into the darkest place  
I'm so far down, away from the sun again  
-_Away From the Sun, 3 Doors Down

**I know it was short first chapter, but strap yourselves in because we've only just begun. Love to hear your thoughts!**

_**You guys are the umbrella to my rainy day.**_


	2. Hopeless Wanderer

**I'll try not to ramble as much as I did last chapter. As promised, here's another update! Hopefully I can keep up at this frequency and I promise I will try my best. Especially with these first few chapters, just so we can get on to the real good stuff ;) Thanks for all the wonderful response the first chapter, and for all the favorites and follows. Can't wait to hear from more of you!**

* * *

"You are writing your number on his cup the next time he comes," Rosalie instructed with a sly smile, nudging me in the shoulder.

We had hit our slow period of the day when the line disappeared for an hour or two.

"Don't know what you are talking about," I replied casually, not meeting her eyes.

"Bella, if you don't, _I _will," she wasted no time insisting.

"I don't even know him," I groaned, wanting to get out of the speculation of her implying smirk.

She shrugged, the smug look never leaving her face as she walked off to take her lunch break. I sighed in exasperation as I emptied the espresso machine. Rosalie was a handful sometimes.

It had been two days since Edward had been here and she had not stopped bothering me about it since. I mean Jesus, I had said like four sentences to the guy. We were hardly getting married, Rosalie.

Because she knew the amount of sleep I had been getting had not improved any, she let me off early again hoping I'd take advantage of this rare free time I had been given. I had been doing just fine, everyone was just making a big deal about nothing. Sure I was a little tired here and there. Who wasn't?

Of course, I just had to prove myself wrong and her right as my exhaustion caused me to walk right into someone on my way out the door.

A pair of strong arms steadied me to prevent me from falling, and I looked up to find that it had been Edward.

I blushed in embarrassment, though quickly pushing it away. "You know, for someone I don't even know, you're pretty good at being there for me," I joked.

"Well let's change that," his eyes lit up in amusement as I crinkled my nose at him. "The not knowing you part, not the being there for you, I have no problem with that."

I laughed, "Thanks for the clarification. So, Edward, how should we change that?"

To my surprise, he held out his arm for me to take. I started laughing as soon as he walked us over to the register and flashed a crooked smile at me. "How about a coffee date?" he suggested playfully, the smirk never leaving his face.

"It's not a date, you don't have to pay for me," I rolled my eyes, grinning back as I let go of his arm and walked around the counter to make us our drinks. As soon as I was finished, I handed him his and walked over to one of the small booths alongside the window.

I considered myself infinitely lucky that Rosalie was still on her lunch break, missing Edward and I's exchange.

I slid off my jacket, setting it next to me before turning back to face him. I studied his expression while I waited for him to say something, taking a sip of my latte. Although Edward came off as nothing short of friendly, I found him very hard to read. His actual emotions were hidden by the gentle expression he wore on his face.

"I will admit," he finally began. "I'm glad I caught you on your way out."

I raised an eyebrow.

"I may or may not have been coming here for you," he admitted carefully. His eyes were mesmerizing, and I had to look away before I lost my inability to speak. I dropped my gaze down to the table as a small smile spread across my lips.

He paused and when I looked up, his eyes were still on me. A teasing look came to his face as he took a sip from the drink I had made him. "I shuttered at the idea of making you fend for yourself this long without my assistance."

I narrowed my eyes at him, causing him to laugh. "In all seriousness, there's something about you though. I feel like I need to know you," he explained once he was finished making fun of me.

This time I didn't even try to stop the blush from heating up my face.

"There's not much to know," I admitted quietly.

"I doubt that," he replied softly. "Here, let me start with myself."

"I'm twenty-one, I moved here from Seattle a couple years ago and live with my best friend Jasper. I thought the new Gatsby movie was good, but nowhere near the book, if I don't stop myself I swear like a sailor, I love the rain, and I have a thing for brunettes," he paused. "And I said the last part because I knew you'd blush."

Damn he was good. I pursed my lips, trying not to smile as I looked away from him and out the window. "And I wanted you to blush because it is fucking adorable when you do."

He was smirking when I looked back at him.

I took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to stop myself from smiling like an idiot. It wasn't without difficulty. "Okay," I began. "I'm a sophomore here. I moved from Phoenix where I live with my mom. I love to read but I never have time for it anymore with work and classes. I love the rain too, and have a thing for green eyes."

Stealing his pick-up line, I waited for them to meet mine as they flashed and a small smile creeped across his lips. "And I said that because I knew they would do that if I did."

He was now rolling his eyes.

"And I love it when your eyes light up. They are so pretty. . ." I trailed off dumbly as he made a point to catch my attention with his gaze. It was intense, smoldering, and the depths of the emerald caused my breath to be stolen away.

As soon as I realized what he was doing, I snapped my eyes away. I shook my head, glaring playfully at him. "That was mean."

"But it was kind of fun," he responded humorously. I pursed my lips at him. "A little bit? A tiny bit?"

"It was mean," I repeated, trying to hold my serious expression but failing miserably.

"I'm sorry," he apologized sincerely, his eyes still smoldering regardless of whether or not he was trying to make them. "Tell me more, Bella. Tell me about your family."

I took another steady breath and went on. "Like I said. . .there's not much to tell. It's just my mom and me. It feels like it's been so long that's almost all I can remember it being." Before I could stop myself from boring him about my family history, my mouth just seemed to keep going. "Rene's great. I mean she's flighty, erratic, and a little crazy at times, but her heart's always in the right place. She's more like my sister than she is my mom. Leaving her to come here was probably one of the hardest things I've done."

"She seems great," he replied genuinely. He never asked about my dad, and for that I was strangely grateful. I almost felt like I owed it to him to tell him.

Edward had this funny way of making you feel at ease. He gave you all of his attention, completely focusing on the words that were coming out of your mouth. He listened with genuine interest, like he really wanted to hear everything you had to say, and there was something calming about the way his eyes softened whenever you smiled.

"My dad didn't leave us or anything," I went on. "He died of when I was sixteen."

Other than a flicker of something in his eyes, his expression remained the same, but the tone of his voice changed. "I'm sorry to hear that, Bella. You were too young to have that happen to you."

I smiled a little. "Sorry, not exactly the light table banter we were supposed to be having," I apologized with a grimace. "Thanks though."

"It's okay," he assured me. "Tell me whatever you want to."

In that moment I wanted to tell him everything. It was like I was under a spell. I wanted to sit there all day and talk with him. I felt more awake than I had in a long, long time.

"He was really funny," I explained fondly. "At least from what I remember growing up. He was an alcoholic, but I never really saw that side of him. I know he tried hard to hide it from my me and my mom, but I know it was hard on my mom. . .I know she tried everything she could to help him but there was only so much she could do."

I stopped when I realized how dark of a turn I had taken, and that I was crossing a line by pouring out things I hadn't even talked freely about to Alice. Other than a few recently learned facts, Edward was a complete stranger to me. And yet the words just kept coming.

"It tore her apart when he died, knowing she couldn't have stopped it," I told him slowly. "That's probably why I was so scared to leave her. I didn't want her to be alone."

"She wanted you to go out and live your life," he responded softly. "She would have been sad had you stayed."

I was taken back. I had never thought about it that way. I didn't have the words to respond, but he seemed to understand by the reassurance I read on his face.

"So now I'm here," I sighed. "I work too much, I study too hard, and I don't sleep enough. But that's my story."

His eyes changed slightly, but he hid the confliction before I had the chance to think twice. "You're strong, Bella. I don't think you give yourself as much credit as you deserve."

My heart raced at his words as I struggled for composure. I mumbled a thank you and quickly changed the topic.

"So, Edward," I asked, "What is _your_ story?"

He chuckled. "My story?"

I nodded with a smile.

"I promise you it's nothing exciting," he replied with a cautious smile, echoing my words, "There's not much to tell."

"You're from Seattle? That's not too far from here. What's that like?" I asked, giving him something to start with.

"A lot like here," he told me, glancing out the window. "A lot of rain, at least. It must have been weird first coming here from Phoenix."

I nodded, widening my eyes. "You have no idea. I can actually breathe here without worrying about suffocating from the heat." He laughed at my expression. "I'm serious!" I exclaimed. "Rene had this big, flat rock out in our backyard where she'd cook eggs on sometimes when it was hot enough. She was so entertained with it _every time_, it never got old to her."

I sighed. Talking about my mom was making me miss her. I think Edward realized this.

"You'd like Seattle," he changed the subject. "The skyline, the mountains, the harbor. It's got everything."

I sighed with a small smile, placing my elbow on the table and resting my head in my palm. The sleepiness was beginning to set in, and like everything else, Edward seemed to pick up on that too.

"I should let you go," he said, sliding out of his side of the booth.

"I'm sorry," I apologized with a grimace. "There's not enough time in the day to fit sleep into my schedule, evidently."

His brow furrowed at my statement, but he said nothing.

"Thanks for this," I told him with a smile. "I needed it."

His eyes still held concern as he glanced out the window once more. It wasn't raining, but the trees were bent and you could hear the cold wind whipping through the town outside.

"How far away is your apartment, Bella?"

I shrugged. "Just over a mile, no big deal."

"Let me give you a ride," he insisted as we headed towards the door. I promptly ignored Rosalie's infinitely smug expression and looked back to Edward who was waiting for a response.

I bit my lip in contemplation. "It's okay, really. I'm used to walking."

But then I opened the door, stepped outside, and was almost knocked over by the force of the cold gusts. I snapped my head in his direction. "Where are you parked?"

He laughed in amusement, extending an arm like he had earlier, and led me towards his car.

I know riding with a stranger was greatly frowned upon, and for all I knew Edward could have been an insanely gorgeous serial killer that was planning on taking me back to his secret lair and going all sadistic on me, but there was something about him. The way I felt so at ease around him had me believing none of that was the case.

We finally approached a shiny, silver Volvo. He opened the passenger door for me and I stepped inside.

"I live on Ford and Grand," I told him once he started the car.

"Not too far from me," he replied. "Do you usually walk home after work?"

"Mostly," I explained. "There are times where I pick up closing shifts and it's dark by the time I'm done, then my friend Jacob usually comes and picks me up when he can."

Before I knew it we were pulled up to the front door of my apartment. He put the car in park as I unbuckled my seat belt. "Thanks for the ride," I told him gratefully. "Saving the day for the third time now."

His lip pulled up into a half smile. "Anytime, Bella." He paused, seeming to hesitate for a moment. "You know, if you ever need a ride just let me know."

He ran a hand through his messy hair and for the first time of the day it appeared as though Edward was nervous. I moved my eyes from my lap up to meet his and gave him a reassuring smile before reaching for my phone. Surprised at how not nervous I was, especially with someone like Edward sitting just a foot away from me, I pulled up a new contact page and handed it to him.

"Thanks," I replied gratefully, watching as he entered in his number.

As I got out of the car and fumbled with my keys to get into the front of the building, I was mortified by the fact that I was so dizzy I might fall down. And it wasn't even from the lack of sleep at this point.

What had just happened?

The nerves had finally decided to kick in as I watched Edward drive away. My hands shook as I walked in through the lobby and up to my room, trying to wrap my head around the last hour's events.

I unlocked the door to my room, stepped inside, and shut my eyes, leaning my back against it once it was closed. I waited for the rapid pace of my heart to calm down to a reasonable speed and when it finally did, I opened my eyes back up to find both Alice and Jacob standing in front of me with curious expressions.

I rolled my eyes at their faces, mumbling "I'm fine," as I stepped past the both of them.

"'Kay, crazy," Jake replied first. "Now where's my muffin."

I turned around to find his expression had changed to pure amusement. "Or did you give it to your new sex-hair friend?"

Alice giggled as I narrowed my eyes at him. "God damn it, Rose."

She pulled out her phone before clearing her throat. "Alice," she read, "I let Bella off early but don't expect her back anytime soon. Sex-hair, gorgeous green eyes, tall, muscles, jaw-line."

My face felt like it was two hundred degrees.

"Why didn't you have him come in, Bells?" Jacob teased, reaching out to pinch my cheek. "Alice and I would have loved to see those _gorgeous_ green eyes."

They both had a good laugh, enjoying themselves as I plopped down on the couch and took out my laptop. "What are you even doing here, Jake," I asked in irritation, ignoring their comments.

"Just came to see my girl," he answered in a sing-song voice. "_And_ I ran out of all the food in my pantry this morning."

"So who is this mystery guy?" Alice asked with a sly smile.

"I barely even know him," I muttered. "Just a guy who's come to Café Mocha a couple times."

"What's his name?"

"Edward," I answered her. Jacob snorted and I shot him a glare. "And this conversation can be done now."

As much as I wanted to dish the details to Alice, I didn't need Jacob's snarky comments in the background. Besides, there weren't many details to dish at this point. I was reading way too far into things, like usual.

"Oh, Bells, don't be like that," Jacob sighed apologetically. "I'll stop, I promise."

"I'd tell you guys more but there's nothing more to tell. We sat down and had coffee after my shift. He drove me home." Alice's eyes widened. "It wasn't a big deal," I shrugged, cutting her off before she could say anything.

"Is that way you ran in here looking like you were going to pass out?" Jacob replied sarcastically. Alice shot him a menacing look. "Okay, okay, okay now I'm done."

Much to Jake's disappointment, I threw in a frozen pizza that night, too exhausted to cook. The truth was, had I not had a big calc exam tomorrow, I would have actually gone to bed early. Or tried.

I knew I was trying to prove everyone wrong, but as the semester dragged on, that was proving to be harder than I initially planned on it being, although I didn't have much of a choice.

So after dinner I shoed Jacob away, left Alice alone to studying on her own out in the living room, and locked myself in my room until I could successfully graph everything I possibly needed to for tomorrow's test. I was terrible at math and I swore at the subject everyday for being required as one of my generals.

For an hour straight I resisted the urge to pick up my phone, wrestling with my resolve on whether or not I should text Edward. He didn't have my number, I just had his.

If he had mine, would he have texted me already?

Would that be weird if I said something to him?

My sleep deprivation was ultimately my deciding factor, and after hours of studying a subject I would never understand, my brain was foggy with a decision made easier on little sleep.

_Thanks again for the ride today, _I typed, pressing send before I realized what I was doing.

Wait, should I say it was me? He didn't have my number yet so he didn't know it was me. But he _should _have known it was me, who else would he have given a ride home to today? Unless that was what Edward did, and just wandered around coffee shops finding girls to cast under the spell of his eyes. What if he had given a ride home to five other girls he had gotten the number of today? What if he didn't even remember me?

I could hardly handle the thoughts coming from my subconscious.

What the hell, Bella.

I rested my head for a few moments on one of my pillows nearby. Just as my eyes started to fall shut, I felt the vibration from my phone.

_Just doing my daily save Bella moment is all_, it read.

I grinned at the screen.

_I promise I'm not as pathetic as I seem_, I replied, hitting send.

A minute later, his name flashed across the screen. I ruled the butterflies in my stomach as ridiculous, pushing them away as I opened the message.

_You seem far from pathetic._

I could never tell if Edward was flirting with me or if he was genuinely just that nice of a person. From the few times I had encountered him, he had been nothing but pleasant.

_Haha, just you wait. Once I get my score back from my calculus test tomorrow I'll be able to prove you wrong, _I responded.

_Calculus? That's like a second language to me. Call me your new personal tutor._

Again, I smiled at my screen. With a yawn, I replied.

_I make pretty good brownies if you're looking for a bribe._

His reply was almost instant.

_I fucking love brownies. You've got yourself a deal, Arizona._

There was something about Edward. I didn't know what it was, but it was something good. Deciding maybe it would be good to get a decent amount of sleep that night, I sent him one last message.

_Talk to you tomorrow?_

I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, taking out my contacts and changing into my pajamas. Placing my textbook and homework back into my backpack, I crawled into bed and reached over to shut off my lamp.

There were only two words in his next message, but they caused me to fall asleep with more ease than I had in the past month.

_Night, Bella_.

* * *

_You heard my voice I came out of the woods by choice_  
_Shelter also gave their shade_  
_But in the dark I have no name_

_So leave that click in my head_  
_And I will remember the words that you said_  
_Left a clouded mind and a heavy heart_  
_But I was sure we could see a new start_

_So when your hope's on fire_  
_But you know your desire_  
_Don't hold a glass over the flame_  
_Don't let your heart grow cold_  
_I will call you by name_  
_I will share your road_  
-Hopeless Wanderer, Mumford & Sons

**Drop your thoughts in the box below? :)**

_**You guys are the whipped cream to my mocha.**_


	3. Iris

**You guys. I'm really sorry. Midterms this week and projects and college galore. I promise I'll make it up to you! Also, if you haven't received a reply from me yet you will shortly - I wanted to get this out tonight before anything. The feedback so far has been wonderful. Thank you all who have strapped on so far for the ride. :')**

* * *

"Alice, I know we've only really talked once, but there's something about him," I explained. We were sitting at the counter, eating cereal before heading off to classes that morning.

"Well shit," she responded, shoving a spoonful of cheerios into her mouth. "Bella, this is _amazing_."

"What?" I questioned, furrowing my eyebrows.

"You. This. Edward. This will be good for you," she explained. "And I'm hoping and praying Rosalie wasn't exaggeration about his looks because when you have him over for dinner tonight I better not be disappointed."

I opened my mouth to protest but she stopped me before I could.

"It's Wednesday night. Cook up your best meal, put on something sexy, and we'll see if this Edward is too good to be true or not. There's no reason not to, Bell."

I hesitated. "Shouldn't I wait for him to, you know, ask me out or something first?"

Her expression was perplexed. "Why? You guys don't need to be dating to have him over for dinner. Start off with the whole friend thing," she suggested. "Actually," she quickly countered. "Maybe you shouldn't do that considering Jake is perpetually stuck in the friend zone and you two would have made such a great couple."

I grimaced. The fact that Jacob and I weren't dating was a sore enough subject to Alice as it was, add another attractive guy to the friend zone would mostly definitely ensue a fit from not just her, but Rose as well.

Hell, if Rose even knew I was debating this she would have had my head.

And an angry Rosalie was probably one of the most terrifying things I had ever witnessed.

"Fine," I sighed. "I'll text him and ask."

"Call him," she quickly insisted before winking. "It's more personal."

"_Alice_," I groaned.

I continued eating my cereal, and much to my surprise, my phone began to vibrate loudly on the counter. Alice quickly looked to see who it was before I had even picked it up, and I don't think I had ever seen Alice's face so smug.

Ignoring her "I told you so" smile, I quickly answered my phone, breathless.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Bella," the velvety voice sounded from the other line. "It's Edward."

"Good morning," I replied stupidly. Alice started choking on her cereal. I flipped her my finger before turning to face away from her in my stool.

"I was wondering if you wanted to grab breakfast this morning?" he asked.

I glanced at the time to see that I still had an hour and a half until my calc exam, and then I glanced down at my half-eaten bowl of cereal before quickly getting up and dumping it down the sink.

"I have my calc exam at 10:30, so I'd actually really like that," I told him honestly.

"Great, I can make sure you kick ass on it," he chuckled. "Not really, but I mean I'll try?"

What Edward didn't know was that he'd be helping me regardless of whether or not he actually helped me with calculus. Seeing him before my test would probably be more beneficial than I'd admit to myself.

"Perfect," I smiled.

I glanced around my shoulder to see Alice making lovely dovey faces, mouthing my words with elaborate hand gestures. I grabbed a cheerio from out of the box and threw it at her.

"I can pick you up in like fifteen minutes if you want?"

"I'll see you then,: I replied before hanging up.

"Oh come on, Bella," Alice clapped her hands in typical Alice fashion. "You always tease me with boys. I've just never gotten a chance because you never actually pursue any!"

Once the teasing had stopped, she was bouncing around the room, ecstatic. "Bella's got a man, Bella's got a man," she chanted repeatedly.

"Hardly," I rolled my eyes.

Fifteen minutes was enough time for me to compose myself as I got dressed for the day, gathered my work into my backpack, and looked out the window just in time to see Edward's shiny Volvo pull up in front of the building.

"Invite him to dinner," Alice reminded happily as I closed the door behind me.

When I opened the passenger door to Edward's car, he was wearing a smile, but it was different that from yesterday. It almost seemed forced, but I quickly glanced away before I gave myself anymore of a chance to read too far into it.

"Sleep well?" he asked as he drove, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Surprisingly yes," I answered. "It doesn't happen very often."

Still not looking at me, I watched as he rose an eyebrow in curiosity.

"I have a really busy schedule," I explained. "Now that I think of it, I'm surprised I was actually able to say yes to breakfast this morning. Everyone thinks I'm crazy for working as much as I do and taking twenty credits this semester but who really needs sleep that much?"

I was rambling, and I needed to stop.

He didn't seem to mind though, and when he responded there was obvious concern in his voice. "That doesn't sound too healthy," he half-joked, half-warned.

I shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a fighter."

We pulled up to Annie's, a small bakery on campus I had almost forgotten about. I smiled, realizing it had been a long time since I had been here.

Edward got out of the car, and after his behavior yesterday, I half expected him to walk around and open my door for me. He didn't. He stood waiting for me, and when I approached him, he held out an arm for me to take. I couldn't help but smile, which I am sure is why he did it.

"Sorry about the short notice," he apologized as he set the muffin on our small table, sitting down across from me. "Jasper's a pain in my ass and probably would have _kicked_ my ass had I not brought you to breakfast or something. Besides, I remembered you had your calc test and I figured I might be able to help."

"Jasper?" I asked curiously.

"We share an apartment," he answered. "When he heard about you I swear he almost cried."

My eyes widened. "You're kidding," I began.

"Yeah, not in a ba–" he quickly explained before I cut him off.

"No, my roommate is the same way. Alice. She's exhausting," I exclaimed breathlessly. "She actually is making me invite you to dinner tonight," I confessed.

He raised an eyebrow in amusement, running a hand through his hair.

"I like to cook, and I'm pretty good at it, when I have the time," I told him. "Wednesday nights are like Bella dinner nights. If you're not doing anything, you're invited. It's just me, Alice, and my friend Jake."

"You're friend Alice wouldn't happen to be single, would she?" he asked, not yet acknowledging the invitation.

I cautiously nodded my head before I realized where he was going with his question.

"So is Jasper," I stated for him. Again, my eyes widened.

He chuckled, tearing a piece from the muffin. "We will be there, Bella," he laughed. "It will be good for him. He's so single he lives vicariously through _my_ non-existant love life."

"Are you sure you're not talking about Alice?" I giggled in amazement. It felt good to laugh. I hadn't had the time to lately.

"What time do you want us there?" he asked in his soft voice.

"Six thirty," I responded, trying to keep the embarrassing pace of my heart down.

Much to my surprise, that had been a lot less mortifying than I was anticipating. And I didn't even have to call it a date. Like Alice said, it wasn't a date. Speaking of Alice, she was going to murder me when she found out I had somehow found a way to take the focus of the night away from me. I decided it would be best to wait about an hour before dinner to break the news to her.

"Now about that calculus," he changed the subject with a smirk.

But like I had noticed before, there was something different about Edward's eyes.

I walked out of that exam feeling better about calc than I ever had before, and I was very convinced Edward was a secret genius, discover-the-cure-for-cancer kind of guy.

How had a month of struggling through lecture after lecture suddenly fell into place after a twenty minute explanation from this mystery guy?

I decided not to question it, just relishing in the fact that I had most likely not failed something I had been previously prepared to. I sat through my two other classes of the day debating on what I needed to pick up from the grocery store for what I was making for dinner that night.

There were five of us, rather than the usual three, and if Jake was any indication on how much Edward and Jasper would eat as well, I figured the more quantity I had the better. I wondered how much shit I would be getting from Jake for having the two over tonight. Alice wasn't the only one I dreaded facing later.

But none of that mattered because I would be seeing him again.

I smiled to myself for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, before grimacing at the disgustingly cheesy nature of my current mindset.

Jake was at my apartment when I got back from running my errands. Alice had let him in before she left for her last class of the day, and he helped me put away my groceries. He seemed like he was in an unusually good mood, which made both of us.

"What's on the menu tonight, Bells?"

I pursed my lips, debating on my next words. "About that. . ." I paused. "We have company tonight, Jake."

His eyes widened. "You didn't."

I grimaced. "And then some. He is bringing his roommate for Alice."

"God damnit, Bella," he groaned. "Why does your cooking have to be so good to make me stick around and fifth wheel this double date?"

"It's not a date," I replied, placing the eggs in the fridge. "Which is why you are staying. Just dinner with friends, like usual." He rolled his eyes before my sentence was even finished.

"So Bella has a guy," he elbowed me with a toothy smile. "When did this happen?"

"I don't have a guy," I responded simply. "I've got my best friend who eats all my food, and a new friend who may even be smarter than you."

He stopped what he was doing, narrowing his eyes and waiting until I looked at him. "Friend? Really, Bella? How many more guy friends do you think Alice will let you have without calling one of them your boyfriend?"

"Hence the distraction," I replied, avoiding his skeptical eyes. "Edward's friend Jasper is apparently exactly her. So the hope is that she'll have her hands full and be too busy to worry about me."

"So you can make googly eyes at Edward all night now, right?" he winked.

I ignored what he said. "We're friends," I informed him.

"Right. Like us," he replied. I caught a glimpse of his expression and was confused by what I saw, but pushed it off before any over-analyzing happened.

"Like us," I grinned, ending the conversation in hopes he wouldn't bring it up again.

"Bella, I swear to god," Alice began, hands on her hips. "I said Edward. _Edward_. Just Edward."

"You actually never said _just_ Edward," I defended slowly. "Come on, Al. Jasper seems like a nice guy. What's the issue?"

She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation, storming out of the room to get ready without a response because she knew in reality, there was no issue. I smiled smugly to myself. That's what I thought.

Judging by the outfit she had changed into, a part of her was really excited to meet Jasper. She just had no intentions of admitting it to me. She scoffed at my outfit and demanded that I change before I could remind her that this was not a date. Jacob promptly chimed in as well, giving his whole spiel and grumbling about being the fifth wheel again.

My phone vibrated on the counter, and Jacob picked it up and opened the message. "Down in the lobby," he read.

I grabbed it from his hands and informed Alice who was in the bathroom that I was going and getting them from downstairs. Jacob rolled his eyes.

I saw them before they saw me. Edward was wearing a pair of loose-fitting skinny jeans that emphasized his tall body, along with a plain black v-net tee that fit him well and left a lot to the imagination as to what was underneath. He looked yummier than my mushroom ravioli.

Naturally, I met his eyes right after the pink of my cheeks had set in as a result of his attractive appearance. I stepped down the last stair as the two of them approached me, and I was finally able to take my eyes off of Edward to asses Jasper.

Jasper did not fall short on looks either, and I was pleased with myself at the fact that Alice had no excuse to complain when she met him. He was tall, though not as tall as Edward. His hair was a dirty blond, long in a way that suited the sharp features of his face, and his expression read nothing but warmth.

"Bella," Edward said with a small, crooked grin.

Jasper held out a hand to me, grinning. "Nice to meet you, Bella." His accent had me smiling. It wasn't too evident, yet the slight southern drawl was definitely present.

"I hope you guys are hungry," I informed them, turning back towards the stairs for them to follow me back to our room. "I'm glad you could make it. It's usually just the three of us."

I noticed Jasper cock an eyebrow at Edward, something I'm sure I wasn't supposed to pick up on. Edward shrugged, giving him an irritated look, and I quickly turned back around, making it seem like I hadn't witnessed their odd exchange.

The whole thing felt a little awkward, but that's probably because I kept imagining that this was a double date. I knew as soon as I saw Jake my stomach would feel more at ease. Or I guess it could have had the opposite effect, and I would feel less at ease.

Something was off with Edward tonight. At least that's how it seemed.

Then again, me being the over-analyzer that I was, I was most likely just over-analyzing. Per usual.

We made it up to 331, and I opened the door slowly to give Alice and Jake a couple second warning. They were sitting casually at the counter, mid-conversation when we walked in. Jacob sat up straighter and the expression on Alice's face was priceless.

Edward stood on one side of me while Jasper stood on the other, and I realized she had no idea which was which. I made a mental note to ask her later who the ogling expression had been for.

Alice stood up and walked over to us, and Jacob followed slowly behind her. "Alice, this is Edward," I turned towards him, before then turning to Jasper. "And this is Jasper."

Alice flashed them both a dazzling smile. "You guys are so lucky. Mushroom ravioli is probably Bella's best meal."

"Edward and Jasper, this is my best friend Jacob," I introduced. The two both exchanged a hand shake with him and things slowly began growing less tense.

"We usually set the table all fancy-like but I'm sure Bella didn't want to freak you out," he teased, elbowing me. I shot him an unamused look before turning back to them and shrugging. "You can have fancy-like table settings next Wednesday if my food doesn't scare you away."

I took the food out of the oven and set out some plates and silverware, shortly followed by everyone helping themselves and finding a spot at the table. As soon as everyone had food in front of them the tension had almost completely dissolved.

Alice and Jasper sat next to each other, and I can't remember the last time I had seen Alice so giggly. I'm sure they didn't intentionally cut us all off from the world, but they were hitting it off so well that nobody dare disrupt them. Besides, it was cute. Adorable, really.

So that left Jacob, Edward, and I. Whenever Edward wasn't looking, Jacob shot me funny faces, causing me to giggle myself. I appreciated his attempts to ease my nerves.

Why the hell was I even nervous?

"This is fucking amazing," Edward exclaimed as he cleared his plate. Jacob stood up, offering to get them both seconds as he took Edward's plate. "Seriously, Bella. Holy hell."

"Too bad I didn't get into my dream culinary school," I joked.

"Why? Because you were _too_ good at cooking?" Jacob asked as he sat down with his and Edward's plates.

"Probably," Edward replied, shoving another spoonful into his mouth.

I tried really hard to make sure Jacob was included so that Edward and I didn't end up in our own world like Alice and Jasper, but it kind of just happened.

"Are you a calc major or something? Because I'm pretty sure I got at least an 90 percent on that test, which definitely shouldn't have happened as of last night."

"I'm undecided," he replied casually. "But you're welcome."

"I never thanked you for breakfast this morning either," I told him. "So thanks for coming to my rescue again."

"Have you not been eating this? You don't _get_ to thank me, because this tastes so damn good," he paused, his green eyes widening. "If anything I owe you more breakfast."

I laughed. "How about we're even?"

Our eyes met and he held my gaze for a moment longer than I was expecting. His expression was very cautious, like he was examining mine. I quickly looked away, blushing. It was almost irritating how easily he could affect me.

Much to my relief, Alice and Jasper left their private bubble and the conversation took a turn towards Alice and I's unfortunate luck with college situations. Jake even had a few stories he was able to chime in about. Jasper hung on to every one of Alice's words while Edward sat relaxed back in his chair, listening.

At one point I got up to take care of everyone's dirty dishes. As I was collecting everyone's plates, Edwards stood up, offering to help.

"You wash I'll dry?" he rose an eyebrow with a small smile.

"Deal," I replied happily.

Jake and Jasper had become really in depth with a conversation regarding the new gaming systems, and which one was better. I rolled my eyes at little Alice who attempted to chime in many times with a topic she had no knowledge about.

"I'm really glad you could come," I told Edward as I handed him a wet plate.

"Thanks for this. I needed it," he replied with a small smile.

I wasn't avoiding Edward's eyes, but at the same time I wasn't making it a point to look at them like I usually did. I worried my poor heart couldn't handle another long gaze from him without completely beating out of my chest.

Before I could stop it a massive yawn came over me. I felt Edward's eyes on me as I rested my body against the counter while washing the dishes.

"You should go to bed early tonight," he suggested. "Or any night."

I yawned again out of habit. "Sleep is overrated."

He didn't press the conversation though I knew, just like everyone else, he wanted to.

Going to bed early that night sounded wonderful, but I had at least a hundred pages of reading to do for two different classes. I sighed, handing him another plate. It was going to be another late night.

Once all the dishes were done, Edward and I sat back down at the table and joined the conversation once again. Jasper and Jacob were still on the topic of video games and Edward slowly began contributing to their discussion. While they were all occupied, Alice began shooting me different looks.

They varied from her fanning herself, widening her eyes, and mouthing the word "damn" multiple times.

I suddenly began to crinkle my nose at the smell spreading through our apartment. I noticed Edward go rigid in the seat next to me while everyone else began registering the scent as well.

Just as I was standing up to investigate why we were all smelling smoke, I received the answer to my question. The dish towel I had carelessly tossed onto the stove started on fire, and the fire spread to the other flammable items nearby.

Alice rushed out of her chair to retrieve the fire extinguisher as I ran over to the sink to fill it with water. Jacob followed behind me, removing anything else from the area that had the potential to go up in flames.

"Fuck," I heard Jasper curse as he too rushed out of his chair.

Instead of helping Alice as she came running back into the room, I was frozen where I stood as I watched Jasper urgently attend to Edward. I hadn't noticed before, but Edward's whole body was shaking violently as he stared at the small fire Alice was now putting out. His eyes were wide, so wide.

His face was pale, so pale.

"Edward, it's gone," Jasper shook him. "It's gone, there's no fire. You're at Bella's. You're with me. It's gone."

His words didn't seem to help as I snapped out of my trance and turned to make sure Alice and Jake had everything under control. The air still smelled of smoke and I was surprised the smoke detector had yet to go off, until I remembered that Alice and I had failed to replace the batteries the past couple of weeks.

As soon as I saw that she had taken care of it, I cautiously approached Edward and Jasper.

He was coughing uncontrollably and when he wasn't, Edward's breathing was erratic. Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead. Jasper continued to try and snap him out of whatever was happening, and before I realized what I was doing, I reached out to stroke my hand through his hair.

His eyes snapped to mine while his chest rose and fell in rapid movements. There was so much fear that I was bewildered as to what was happening.

Somehow, Jasper got him to stand up. "Come on, Ed, let's head back to the apartment," he pleaded. "Everything's fine, man." He turned to me. "Help me walk him down?" he asked in panic.

Alice stayed to make sure nothing went up in flames again while Jacob stayed with her.

We made it down to the lobby and Edward's body slowly began to calm itself down. He was really saying anything, but he clung on to Jasper and I like we were his life support.

What the hell was happening?

I was so scared, and although Jasper's face read panic, it was resolved enough to make me believe that everything would soon be under control. At least that was what I hoped.

Edward's eyes were still wide, but when we eventually made it outside, the pace of his breathing went down a little more. Jasper reached into Edward's pocket and retrieved the keys to his Volvo. I let go of Edward, opening the passenger door to his car as Jasper helped him in.

When he was sitting down, he shut his eyes and leaned his head against the back of the headrest, inclining it towards the ceiling of the car as his chest was still rising and falling in a violent manner.

Jasper shut the door once he was in and slowly turned back to face me. His eyes were tired, exhausted.

Words wouldn't come out of my mouth due to the shock of the situation I had just witnessed.

"He'll be okay," Jasper informed me.

My mouth gaped like a fish until I was able to find my voice. "What. . .what just happened to him, Jasper?"

"Dinner was amazing," he replied quietly. "Thanks again for having us. Once I get him back to our apartment he really will be okay," he repeated, slowing walking around to the other side of the car. "You don't need to worry."

"Jasper," my voice was breathless. "What happened back there?"

He looked down at the door as he opened it before his gaze finally moved back to mine. His eyes were troubled and his voice was quiet.

"There's a lot you don't know about Edward."

* * *

_And I don't want the world to see me_  
_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_  
_When everything's made to be broken_  
_I just want you to know who I am  
_-Iris, Goo Goo Dolls

**You guys are the mushrooms to my ravioli.**


	4. All That I've Got

**Thanks for the love last chapter, guys. Your feedback is what really helps me keep going. You guys are seriously the best in the world. So without further ado, chapter four. :)**

* * *

**Edward**

Jasper handed me a Mike's as he sat down on the recliner next to me, absentmindedly flipping through channel after channel as I began my first of many drinks that night.

"Out of all the fucking things to happen," I shook my head.

A kitchen fire had not been on planned agenda for the night, and my heart hadn't stopped racing since. Putting alcohol into my system only made my body hate me more, but at least my body probably didn't hate me as much as I hated me.

"You should text Bella," he told me. "Let her know you're okay and stuff."

I sank further into the couch, shutting my eyes momentarily as I ran my fingers through my hair. "Hey Bella, sorry I am scared of fire. Just a party trick, don't worry about it," I sighed sarcastically. "Oh, and dinner was great. Hope your stove's okay."

Jasper let out a chuckle. "Seriously, man. She was really worried."

I wanted to text her but I was able to convince myself not too. I needed to slow down because I was already treading rocky waters, and there was no need for unnecessary complications.

"We're not dating," I shrugged. "That's what couples do."

"Speaking of dating," he began. "I think I'm gonna ask Alice out on a date."

I rolled my eyes. "Shocker there, not like I called that or anything. Not by the way Bella was positive that she was your soul mate or anything," I muttered the last part under my breath and chuckled at his irritated expression.

"Bella is a person, Edward," he ignored what I had said. "Not your little play toy."

I sighed. "You think I don't know that?"

"Judging by the last few girls in your life, no, I don't think you know that."

I tossed my empty bottle into the trash and rested my feet on the coffee table.

"Bella's different," he assessed. "She's adorable, funny, has a great taste in best friends, and _isn't blond._"

I rubbed my eyes. "Jazz, you don't even wanna go there. Not tonight."

It was his turn to sigh. "Bella doesn't have to be like the other girls. She's different," he repeated before concluding the conversation. "She likes you. A lot. Don't waste that."

I knew what I was doing. Bella _wasn't_ like the other girls. I knew that from the first time I saw her. Brown eyes, long mahogany hair.

Rosie cheeks.

Those fucking cheeks would be the death of me. When I was around her I found myself constantly wanting to make her blush. Not to embarrass her or anything, but because it was the cutest goddamn thing I had ever seen.

When she laughed though. When she laughed I felt warm. There was a part of me that felt safe. And that was the part that I needed to keep in check and stay the hell away from.

Happiness came at a price and was not what I was looking for.

I wanted a distraction.

And from the first time since I had talked to Bella, I refused to make her the kind of distraction I usually went with. Bella was good. She wasn't some trashy fraternity girl, or someone who couldn't hold an intelligent conversation to save her life.

She made the best with what she had, and the way she put others before herself constantly was one of the bravest things I had ever seen.

She was selfless, and to her. . .to her I was poison.

I would not temporarily satisfy myself at the cost of her happiness, and I would damn well not interfere with her strength and outlook towards life. If anything I should have been trying to learn from her. There were so many things about her that I had never seen in any other girl.

She was real. And I needed real in my life.

I picked up my phone, opening a blank message with her as the recipient.

But I needed to be careful. Bella was my friend. And judging by her relationship with Jacob, having a guy friend wouldn't be an issue. Even though I'm sure the word friend had Jacob die a little inside every time she referred to him as one.

If circumstances were completely different, and there weren't so many things wrong with every aspect of my life, Bella would be my definition of near perfection in a girl. Not even just my definition, I'm sure a lot of other guys would agree in less than a heartbeat.

She was delicate. Her body was so little, and I towered easily a foot over her. I knew I was tall, but she couldn't have been that much more than five feet tall, and couldn't have weighed over a hundred pounds.

She was tiny, and yet she held her own in an adorably sexy way. She was tough, but all I could see when I looked at her was a baby seal against a killer whale. As much as I didn't want to get involved, the thought of a girl like her walking home from work on a daily basis had me uneasy.

Her eyes. Her eyes were such a perfect shade of brown that they caused me to catch my breath every time I saw them. They were warm, just like her.

In a world with so many cold people, Bella was an exception.

She didn't see how extraordinary she was, which only added to her appeal. She was insecure, bright-eyed; a barista with a smile that was perhaps warmer than the coffee she served, and determination that nothing could get in the way of.

She would one day be somebody's whole world, and whoever that somebody was would be damn lucky to have her.

But she couldn't be my world.

She was just my distraction, and even that was a very risky decision of me to make with someone like her.

What I was doing was wrong.

I knew what I was doing, but I had to know her. Being apart of her life made me forget about mine. I was obsessed. Being with her was like an escape. It was temporary, and it was wrong, but for once it was something.

I needed something.

But I didn't want Bella to get hurt, so I needed to be careful. She was a person, after all.

Mike's wouldn't be strong enough that night. I retrieved a bottle of Bourbon, pouring some into a glass and letting the rapid pace of my heart slowly calm itself down, along with the nerves in all of my body.

As the hours passed by, and the numbers on the clock changed, I wondered idly if she was in her bed sleeping. It was only one o'clock – for her that must have been early. I scoffed at the thought of the bags under her eyes and how they were only worsening as each day passed. It wasn't in my place to say anything, but she was literally working herself into the ground.

But there was that cute way her nose wrinkled when she yawned.

So many things I picked up that I shouldn't have.

I sighed to myself, realizing I might as well just send a damn message. It would have been a dick move if I didn't. Pulling out my iPhone, I found her in my contacts.

_Sorry about tonight. Dinner was fucking amazing. Hope you're sleeping tight_.

I cringed at the last part as I pressed send, realizing that had probably gone a little too far. I then cringed at the fact that I was sober enough to realize that. Instead of pouring myself another drink I decided to just call it a night.

I ran a hand through my hair, checking my phone one last time for her response, and head to my room, shutting the door and turning off the lights behind me.

When I woke up the next morning I felt like hell.

I had slept past noon, and all I really wanted was a not-shitty cup of coffee. I knew Bella was working though, because I had started picking up on her daily schedule. And frankly, I wasn't quite ready to face her after my incident last night. So shitty coffee it was, I decided as I got up to start brewing some.

My phone still had no new messages. I don't know why I was expecting her to text me back. My message hadn't given her much to respond to, after all.

With Bella, my goal from the start had been to tell her as little as possible. If I could get away with her knowing what she knew now, I would be golden. But because of last night, that probably wasn't going to happen.

The truth was, I didn't really care if she knew about the accident. It was just exhausting to go there, and it wasn't necessary information for her to know. Whenever I was with her, I tried making the conversation always about her. Not only did it keep the spotlight off of me, but I genuinely was interested in hearing all about her life. There was something very satisfying about getting to know her.

Once I had my coffee and got dressed, I went to the gym to kill time before sitting in on a lecture on biomedical engineering. I went to various lectures each week mainly because they gave me something to do and my mind something to think about. Most of them were medical-related, mainly because I had never really understood how my dad had done it all.

I wondered how long it would take for Bella to discover I wasn't actually enrolled. I wondered how long it would take Bella to discover I wasn't actually doing anything with my life.

I was stuck. I was stuck but that was where I wanted to be.

There was nothing wrong with being stuck, not when it meant I wouldn't need to go forward or back. It wouldn't work forever, I knew that much, but for the time being, it was working just fine.

I was fine.

And that was all I needed to be.

That night I finally received a message from Bella.

_Do you want to get coffee or something tomorrow?_

I smirked, rolling my eyes. The fact that she spent half her time around coffee made me feel bad that even in her social life she couldn't escape it.

I hesitated to reply at first, wondering what excuses I could make as to what had happened at dinner, and wondering how much longer it would be before she realized I was constantly avoiding the conversation being about me.

I sighed. If I wanted Bella as my friend, it was inevitable that she would eventually need to know more. But I would make sure the more wasn't too much, and that too much was enough to keep her at bay.

My better option would have been to just leave her out of my shit life.

She was going everywhere, and I was going nowhere.

_When were you thinking?_ I replied without another thought.

It wasn't long before I received her response.

_I get off work at 3_.

_I'll meet you there afterwards?_

_Sounds good. :)_

About twenty minutes before three the next day, I got in my car and drove to Café Mocha. I had kept Bella off my mind since our text conversation last night, and as I drove the short drive, idly began wondering if this was such a good idea.

All I could remind myself was that Bella was handling herself, and I wasn't. We had so much in common and yet all she really knew about me was my name and where I was from. I almost felt bad. Almost. But feeling bad led to feelings in general, and feelings in general were something I tactfully tried to avoid when it came to the people presently in my life.

I parked my car and when I walked in the shop, she was just exiting into the break room from the end of her shift. I noticed the blond staring at me with wide eyes like she usually did, and I ignored it, picking a small table to sit down at.

I ran a hand through my hair multiple times as I waited for Bella. When I glanced up, I finally saw her approaching.

She had a soft smile as she made quick eye contact with me before quickly looking down at the ground. Her eyes were unusually tired today, and I frowned. The way she was walking was off to. In fact, it seemed to be getting worse as she approached me. A few feet from the table I was sitting at, she suddenly stopped walking. Her body began to wobble, and her eyes slowly shut.

Bella began to fall.

I shot out of my seat, quickly catching her small body in my arms before her head could hit the ground. Her fall had gained the attention of a couple of customers along with workers as well.

"Bella," I began saying her name, trying to keep my voice calm. "Bella?"

She was breathing, and she had a pulse, so I didn't waste time with 911. As I stood up with her in my arms, the blond barista approached me.

"Oh my god," she gasped frantically. "What happened?"

"I think she passed out," I assessed. "I'm going to take her to the hospital."

Although my voice appeared unabashed by the whole situation, a pang in my stomach had me worried for her well-being. Without any more conversation with her coworker, I turned around and rushed out of the shop. Her face was completely pale, and that was saying something given how pale her skin was to begin with. Her body was limp, and it scared the shit out of me.

I managed to opened the door to the backseat of the Volvo with one hand as I balanced her body in the other. I placed her in the back, frowning as her head propped itself at an awkward angle from the awkward shape of the backseats. I quickly pulled the sweatshirt I had on off of my bodied and placed it under her head like a pillow.

I sped worse than I usually did as I thought of the fastest way to get to the hospital. The amount of red lights I ran probably should have killed the both of us, but all I could think of was taking care of Bella.

It was like this weird obligation I had taken on the moment I met her, looking back at all the times I had saved her ass from one thing or another.

I glanced to the backseat to make sure she was still how I left her. I finally pulled into the hospital and scooped her up in my arms once more. She was so light, even lighter than I had imagined. I rushed through the front doors and was met by two nurses and a wheel chair.

"She kind of just passed out," I explained. "She won't wake up, but she's still breathing."

As one of them wheeled her away, the other handed me a clipboard with paperwork. "I'm assuming you're the boyfriend," she said as she gave me a pen. "I'll need you to fill as much of this out as you can."

I opened my mouth to say that I wasn't and that I didn't know hardly anything about her, but before I could she had already turned to walk away.

I sat down in one of the chairs in the waiting room. I stared down at all of the blanks that needed to be filled out, and as I began writing down _Bella_ in the name box, I realized I didn't even know her last name. I didn't know her date of birth, I didn't know any of this shit. I was about to get up and walk over to the assistant at the desk when I spotted Bella's phone on the floor near my feet. Well, I'm assuming it was Bella's phone.

I picked up the black iPhone and pressed the home button, praying it wasn't locked with a passcode. I took a breath of relief when I found it wasn't. I felt bad for invading her privacy, but a part of me knew she wouldn't have been too upset. After all, I was only going through her contacts.

Since her mom lived in Phoenix, I scrolled to the first name that I could think of. I hit call and waited for Alice to answer.

It went right to voicemail, indicating to me that it was most likely dead.

I sighed to myself as I hit call to the next person I could think of. Jacob answered on the second ring. Of course he did.

"Bells," he answered. "What's up?"

"It's actually Edward," I replied. His pause on the other end signaled for me to go on. "I was meeting Bella for coffee and after her shift she was walking towards me and she kind of just blacked out. . .I took her to the hospital and I'm in the waiting room now. They want me to fill out all this patient info and I figured you'd probably know more of it than I would."

"Is she okay?" he quickly responded in concern. "I'm on my way now."

"She's should be fine, I think," I told him. "I just got here with her so I don't really know anything yet. . ."

"I'll be right there," he said flatly before hanging up.

I didn't realize how uneasy hospitals made me until I realized when the last time I was in one was. The speed of my heart picked up but I was able to control it by taking deep inhales.

Jacob appeared through the front doors in less than five minutes after I got off the phone with him, and I wondered how many stoplights _he_ had ran to get there so fast. He spotted me quickly, and hurried over.

I handed him the clipboard as he sat down next to me. He wasted no time filling out a majority of it, and I watched him with a pang of envy at his knowledge of Bella's life.

Envy? Why was I envious?

I glanced my eyes to her name box and found what I had been looking for. Swan. Bella Swan. I smiled a little at that.

"Thanks for coming," I broke the silence. "I tried calling Alice, but her phone was off." Mentioning Alice to let him know he wasn't my first choice was probably a dick move, and Jacob was a nice guy, but I didn't like him.

Why didn't I like him? Jacob was completely fine.

He got up to hand it to the assistant at the front desk and sat back down in the chair next to me. I didn't feel obligated to start a conversation with him, but he seemed to.

"So you were taking her to get coffee at the place she _worked_?" he questioned in amusement. "Very original."

I knew it was just a joke but it irritated me. "It was her idea," I replied. "Trust me, I already took her to Annie's once."

His eyes widened with a grin, breaking the tension. "She _loves_ Annie's."

We sat there and waited, and it wasn't for over a half hour that the same nurse that had taken her away appeared back in the room. She approached me, and Jacob and I both stood up.

"Bella suffered severe sleep deprivation, which is why she passed out. We are giving her body fluids and have her on medication that should give her body the strength it has been lacking," she paused, glancing at the both of us before continuing. "What she mostly needs though is rest, and it will be crucial she gets a lot of it in the next two weeks in order for her body not to shut down in the same way."

"We'll make sure she gets it," Jacob replied promptly.

"She's awake now but we're going to be giving her something to knock her out for the next few hours. If you guys want to come see her before we do, you can follow me this way."

We followed her down a couple of hallways until we finally reached Bella's room. She opened the door for us and then closed it once we were in, leaving us alone with Bella.

Her eyes were groggy but she seemed pleased to see us as a smile set across her lips. "I know, I know," she began with a yawn. "I told you so and all that jazz. I know."

I rolled my eyes and Jacob crossed his arms with a chuckle. "I did tell you so and all that jazz, and I'm not going to ream you because I know Alice and Rose will do it for me. So I'll be the good guy."

She grimaced at the though before grinning once again and moving her gaze to me. "What a surprise," she shook her head. "To the rescue _again_."

I shrugged. "Just doing my part on the Bella-watch."

That made her laughed, and it eased my anxiety of being in the bland white room. She looked like she wanted to say something, but looked at Jacob and bit her lip. He seemed to take the hint and cleared his throat.

"I'll be out in the waiting room. I'll check on you later so you sure as hell better be asleep, lady."

She shot him an appreciated look before he exited the room.

I slowly walked over and sat at the foot of her bed. Her arms were hooked up to an IV, and I could tell she hated being her even more than me. In fact, once Jacob left the room, her face showed nothing but nerves and panic. She tried to hide it though, and it kind of work.

"Why put on the brave face for him?" I questioned casually. "You look like you want to jump out of your own skin."

She sighed, realizing she had been caught. "He worries about me a lot. Too much, really. No need to give him any unnecessary worry." She sighed again and paused for a long moment. "I was in here a lot with my dad, the last couple of months before he, you know. . ."

She change the topic before I had the chance to respond, yawning again before speaking. "What happened the other night, Edward? At my apartment?"

Just as she was asking the question the nurse walked back into the room along with a doctor. I let out a breath of relief as I stood up. "That," I replied, "Is a conversation I will be having with a girl who is well-rested."

She wrinkled her nose at me in protest before the anxiety spread across her face at the realization of more needles. Her expression turned from protest to pleading as she reached for my hand.

"Don't leave," she whispered with wide eyes. "Not until I am asleep."

Bella usually had it put together so well. I had never seen her like this, and granted I had just learned her last name today, I had picked up a lot about her over the past week. She was scared, and I could tell by the way she was handling it that it was not something she usually was.

I gave her hand a light squeeze and smiled as my response, not leaving her side.

I was in so far over my head. Maybe if Jacob did date her things would be easier.

She squeezed my hand so fucking hard I was surprised at how close she probably came to cutting off circulation. Her scared brown eyes finally fluttered shut as they injected more medicine into her arm.

As soon as her hand fell limp, I slowly released it and exited the wrong. I flexed my fingers numerous times, shaking the feeling of her hand in mine. That was definitely crossing a line.

But I didn't mind taking care of Bella. It made me feel like I had this purpose. I couldn't help myself but at least I could help her.

Jacob was sitting in the same seats we had been before, and I plopped down into the one next to him. He glanced up and gave me a wary smile. He hesitated a couple of moments, deciding how to word what he wanted to say before finally just sighing and getting it out.

"Listen man," he started, fidgeting with his hands. "You seem like a cool guy. I'm not sure what your intentions with Bella are, but be careful."

I didn't have a response to his words, and he looked like he had more to say, so I let him keep going.

"I've seen the way she looks at you. I know she seems tough, and hell she is most of the time, but she's more breakable than she let's on." Something I had gathered in her hospital room. "She still has nightmares. Like every other night. . .about her dad," he paused, rubbing his hands over his eyes in exhaustion. "That's part of the reason she is always low on sleep."

I felt a pit in my stomach at this news. More I was learning today about Bella.

"It happened just three years ago. . .she never really gave herself time to cope since his death, and she has been keeping herself busy ever since."

"Hence the over-working," I observed quietly.

He slowly nodded his head. "Yeah she needs the money bad, but there's more than one reason she gives up all her spare time. Like I said, I'm not sure what she is to you, or what you want her to be, but she's not healed. You probably could understand how losing a parent could do that to someone."

So in a way, I was her distraction too.

She didn't want to be alone and when she was, she was studying. She took so many damn classes because she wanted to keep her schedule full – how she liked it.

I felt the muscles in my hands tightened. "Yeah, actually. I can," I replied in irritation.

I was an asshole because it's not like he knew anything about me. I tried to relax my posture, as well as my temper.

"Just be careful, man," he finished cautiously.

I though the amount of care Jacob had for her would bother me more than it did, but it actually did the opposite. I was glad she had someone like him in her life. She needed it. She needed the distractions, just like I did.

I moved my eyes to his for the first time. "When did you figure out you were in love with her?" I asked honestly.

My question caught him by surprise and I watched as his facial expressions changed from emotion to emotion until they finally settled on calm. "She's my best friend," he said quietly. "Of course I love her."

Bella deserved someone like Jacob which was why I was fucking everything up by being greedy and using her the way I was. If I wasn't a selfish dick, I would have walked out of that hospital, out of her life, and never looked back.

But I was a selfish dick.

I settled myself into my chair, getting comfortable. Jacob did the same.

"You staying until she wakes up again?" I asked.

"Yep."

The corner of my lip turned up into a wary smile.

"So am I."

* * *

_I'll be just fine,_  
_Pretending I'm not_  
_I'm far from loney_  
_and it's all that I've got_  
- All That I've Got, The Used

**Surprise! What did you guys think of Edward's messy mind? Yes, this story will continuously have BPOV/EPOV and no it was not a one time deal. Next Chapter will be out later this week, hopefully. :)**

_**You guys are the tension to my Edward and Jacob. ;)**_


	5. Running Up That Hill

**Happy Sunday, friends! Extremely sorry for the lateness (with both this chapter and review replies). Midterms ended up kicking my butt real hard and I didn't think I had plans for spring break but it turns out I got surprised by a couple friends with some last minute plans. On that note, I hope everyone is having a lovely start to their spring. And I'll get back to you all as soon as I post this chapter! Because I feel bad making you wait this long already.**

_**I settled myself into my chair, getting comfortable. Jacob did the same.**_

_**"You staying until she wakes up again?" I asked.**_

_**"Yep."**_

_**The corner of my lip turned up into a wary smile.**_

_**"So am I."**_

* * *

My moral compass eventually pointed North enough that I decided Jacob could take it from here.

After a couple of hours in that waiting room I couldn't take the anxiety any longer and I left, going back to my place. She was in more than capable hands and I made silent amends to him by giving him the satisfaction of taking care of Bella instead of me. There was no doubt he'd be able to do a better job, after all.

Besides, I was not about to let Bella become my whole life. Or any part of it, really. She was just in it. Just like Alice now was, and Jacob. Jasper was my best friend, but that was kind of a different story.

Leaving the hospital before she woke up was a good idea. Becoming attached was dangerous, and I had to confirm that I was still able to walk away from the situation at any moment.

It was just after eight when I walked through the door of my apartment.

It was Friday night, and by the looks of Jasper's appearance on the couch, he had no plans for the night. I plopped down on the couch next to him and sighed in exasperation.

"Let's get drunk tonight," I suggested.

"As opposed to every other night?" he chuckled sleepily.

I ignored him, getting up and walking over to the alcohol cabinet. "Smirnoff or Absolut?" I held up the two bottles.

"What has you so shaken up?" he replied, stretching his arms over his head.

"Smirnoff it is," I put away the other bottle, retrieving two shot glasses. Walking back over to where he was sitting, I sat back down and handed him a glass before opening the bottle and pouring a shot for both of us. I tilted my head back, downing mine as he quickly followed suit.

I took a chug of the open Mountain Dew bottle sitting on the coffee table as a chaser and leaned back into the couch. "Spent the last four hours at the hospital," I finally answered his question. "With Jacob, of all people."

He rose an eyebrow in question. "Bella passed out and it turns out she was getting less sleep than anyone even realized."

"Sleep deprivation," he concluded. "Well shit, what's pushed her to the zombie lifestyle?"

I poured us another shot and we both took it. "You realize how sad this is, right? Our Friday nights are going from depressing to fucking tragic. And I blame you."

"Her dad died three years ago," I explained. "She overworks herself so she doesn't think about it."

Jasper's jaw nearly dropped to the floor, and I'm surprised he did dropped the glass in his hand. "Holy shit," he exclaimed. "First of all, this calls for another shot because you exasperate me. Second of all, holy shit."

He was making a big deal out of nothing. I handed him the Vodka and he poured one for us both. I could feel the small buzz, and I shut my eyes. "Will you stop," he retorted in irritation.

"Edward. Do you even realize that Alice isn't my twin, Bella is _yours_?"

"Hardly," I scoffed, though slightly amused by his assessment. "We are nothing alike and I feel like you saying that is an insult to her."

"Three years?" he repeated in amazement. "Three years."

"I'm not drunk enough to be having this conversation," I sighed.

He dropped it, like he always eventually did.

That night we drank until we were so far gone that I welcomed the blackout when it came. I always did. If I was lucky, I would be asleep until noon the next day. There was something satisfying about alcohol's ability to distort your memories. It was like it looked for the weak spots; the broken, the damaged thoughts and it destroyed them until there was nothing left.

When the blackout came.

Jasper usually stopped until it got to that point, but was always just far enough gone to not have the ability to stop me. That was always the goal.

I woke up the next morning–or afternoon, whichever it was–with a headache of all headaches. Luckily for me, I had become a pro at overcoming the hangover.

When I stood up I had to sit quickly back down before I fell over from a head rush. I blinked my eyes rapidly a couple of times, trying to rid the grogginess of my surroundings. My equilibrium felt off, and I was guessing I was still slightly drunk from last night.

I stretched my hands over my head and yawned when suddenly someone cleared their throat.

I slowly turned my head around to find Jasper sitting at the kitchen counter with Bella. With _Bella_? Wait, what the hell was she doing here?

I kept the confusion from my expression as she gave me a small smile and a small wave. "And that would be my cue," Jasper exclaimed before exiting the room.

I walked over to where she was and studied her appearance as I made my way over. She looked better, much butter. The bags under her eyes had gone down, and her brown eyes had more life in them. They weren't as red anymore, and they weren't full of unspeakable exhaustion.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked. "Cereal? Eggs? I might even have some frozen waffles. . ."

Her amusement stopped my train of thought and I squinted at her. She giggled. "It's one in the afternoon, Edward," she teased. "I'm good on the breakfast."

I ran a hand through my hair, glancing at the clock to realize she was right. I felt bad for the lack of response as I slowly made my way around her to the coffee pot. If I didn't reduce the pounding in my head soon I was fairly certain it would combust.

"Sorry for just barging in," she suddenly blurted out, and I could hear the nerves in her voice. "I just got released an hour ago and I just wanted to thank you in person."

I poured myself a bowl of Lucky Charms and sat down on the stool next to her.

"When I got here and Jasper said you were still sleeping I was going to leave but he told me to stay because you would be waking up soon." All of her words were coming out so fast I could barely keep up. Her cheeks were their adorable shade of pink, and I smirked to myself as I put the first spoonful of cereal in my mouth.

I suddenly realized why she had yet to make eye contact with me since I had waken up. I swallowed, wiping my mouth.

"Shit, sorry let me put a shirt on," I quickly told her, getting up to retrieve it from the floor next to the couch.

I smirked in amusement with myself, pulling it over my head and returning to my spot next to her. Even though her expression was relieved, she was still blushing. The grogginess was starting to clear up, and after shoving a couple more spoonfuls into my mouth I turned back to her.

"You don't have to thank me," I told her before winking. "Just doing my job."

And it turns out looking after Bella was becoming a full-time deal. I mean yikes, talk about a danger magnet. I shuttered at the thought of her being on her own. She would probably trip over a leaf and run into a piano filled with piranhas or something. There was really no telling with this girl.

And yet she held her own, in some miraculous way.

"Jake told me what you did for me, calling him and all that," she went on. "Seriously, Edward. Thank you."

A phone call telling me that would have sufficed but it turns out her presence was a soothing aid to help this bitch of a hangover. I was just glad Jazz must have put back the alcohol before she had come in, seeing as it was nowhere in sight.

She still seemed nervous, and I could not think of why that could be. I quickly glanced down to make sure I had pants on and was relieved to find that I did. She must have read my thoughts and all of a sudden she was laughing. I rolled my eyes. It took so little to make her happy.

"I want to lecture you about your sleep schedule but I won't because I'm sure you'll be hearing from everyone else today," I said with a grimace.

The truth was, I was in no place to lecture her for her bad habits when I really wasn't one to talk. I had my ways of coping, and she had hers. I just don't think she realized over-working herself was her way of coping.

She looked at the clock once again. "I should probably start taking sleep lessons from you," she grinned before biting her lip. "But I should also probably get going. . .my shift starts in a half hour and I haven't been to the apartment since yesterday morning."

"Let me give you a ride," I offered.

The nerves were on her face again, but this time I just ignored them. She constantly looked like she wanted to say something, but she never did. She looked down, away from my gaze.

"I would say you don't have to do that but in this case I'll probably be late if I don't say yes," she rushed her words out again. "So thanks again because clearly you can take care of me better than I can take care of myself."

"You've been doing a pretty good job," I defended. "Give yourself more credit, Bella. _And_ sleep." I narrowed my eyes at her with the last part.

I probably shouldn't have been driving yet, but I had already offered her a ride, and I wasn't about to tell her how I had spent my night. I got up and poured myself the coffee that I had been brewing, ignored the burning down my throat as I willed myself to get at least half of a cup in my system.

"You ready?" I asked, letting my gaze linger on her a second longer than I had planned.

I just couldn't get over how good well-rested Bella looked. I shook the thoughts from my head as I slipped on some old Sperry's and grabbed the keys to the Volvo from off the coat rack.

She was quiet during the short ride to her apartment. I waited in the car as she ran in to get her things and when I drove her to work, she was quiet again.

Well this was new.

"Thanks for the ride," she smiled in appreciation when I pulled up to the curb and put the car in park. "Sorry again for barging in."

I ran a hand through my hair, about to tell her to stop apologizing when I realized I already had. "Anytime," I managed to smile back. "Have a good day at work."

The last part was unintentional but it kind of came out before I had a say in the matter. Literally.

But it made her smile when she was trying not to, so I guess it had been worth it.

As usual, the weekend was uneventful. I spent most of Saturday trying to overcome the percussions of Friday, due to my concerns Thursday from what had happened Wednesday at dinner. And that was a lot of overcoming.

I texted Bella that night around eleven telling her she'd better have been in bed getting sleep like the doctors had told her she needed. I frowned when two hours later she responded with "this paper's not going to write itself". Watching her run herself into the ground day in and day out had got to be exhausting for the people in her life.

Hell, it was exhausting to me and a barely knew the girl.

I decided my new goal would be to convince her to drop one of her classes this semester. It would most likely require shameless eye smoldering and soft voice coaxing but at this point, with everyone else's efforts hopelessly diminished, I figured it was as good of a shot as any.

Bella and I texted back and forth on Sunday, and in the midst of our conversation I had managed to pick up bits and pieces of what her schedule looked like each week.

That was when retrieved Alice's number from Jasper and texted her.

_Hey Alice, it's Edward. Would you be able to let me in tomorrow morning? I'm gonna try and save Bella from herself._

Her reply had only taken minutes.

_Join the club! I sure can. Just text me in the morning when you get here_.

Because the messages between him and Alice had been constant since Wednesday night, I was able to convince him to ask her out on an actual date. As delicious as Bella's cooking had been, those two needed to go on an actual date that wasn't in the confides of a cheap apartment kitchen.

Plus with Alice as his distraction, he'd finally be temporarily off my dick about Bella.

I went to bed early that night knowing I had to wake up early the next morning.

Bella's class started at 8:30, giving me enough time to stop and get coffee before heading over to her apartment. I pulled into one of the fifteen minute parking spaces and texted Alice that I was there.

She met me at the front door, walking me up to their room.

"Thanks for letting me in," I told her, keeping my voice down so not to wake up Bella. "Don't worry," I added. "I made sure Jasper was taking you somewhere nice tonight. He's really excited."

Her eyes lit up and she nodded before pointing me in the direction of Bella's room.

I'm not sure what had compelled me to do this, and I had to keep reminding myself that it was just doing her a favor and keeping my promise to take care of her. Besides, if I was going to convince her to drop a class, I had to butter her up enough to be successful.

I carefully opened the door to her room and couldn't stop the small smile as I took in her sleeping form. She looked so fucking peaceful.

Homework and textbooks were scattered across her floor and some managed to make it through the night on her bed, the product of what I was assuming to be another late night of studying and disregarding the doctor's instructions.

Before I did anything else I reached over and unplugged her alarm clock from the wall. Luckily for me, her phone was sitting on the nightstand next to her bed and I carefully reached for it, shutting it down as well.

There. No chance for any alarms to wake her up.

I searched the floor of her room for the textbook I needed and when I found it, placed it into my backpack. I also retrieved the notebook labeled "Poly Sci" from her floor and shoved it into my bag as well.

I didn't look at her again as I quietly exited her room. The feelings seeing her like that elicited were the last thing I needed if I was going to have a clear head through all of this.

Alice was eating breakfast out in the kitchen, and smiled widely when she realized what I was doing. "She's going to love you for this," she told me. "She probably won't admit it at first but I promise she will."

"Hey, since she won't listen to the doctor, someone has to."

She rolled her eyes at the whole situation. "It's ridiculous," she agreed. I made my way to the door. "I should be back hear by the time her class is over, if you want me to let you in again," she offered.

"That'd be great," I shot her a dazzling smile, practicing for later use on Bella. Much to my amusement, she seemed dazed and out of breath. "Have fun on your date," I called over my shoulder before shutting the door behind me.

Finding the building her lecture was in was easy, but parking was not. After about ten minutes of looking for a spot and finally miracle paralleling into a small one, I rushed in and sat down the same time her professor pulled up the presentation on PowerPoint. There were about a hundred other students filling the seats and I was relieved to find out that attendance was not taken.

I grabbed Bella's notebook from out of my backpack and began jotting down anything and everything to make sure she was filled in from missing the lecture. I didn't want to brag but I was a fucking phenomenal note-taker.

If politics weren't so hard to listen to for two hours, I would have offered to do this for Bella more often.

It was a little after ten thirty when I texted Alice for the second time that morning letting her know I was there. This time I parked in two hour parking, unsure of how long I would be there for. Alice left again, less than a minute after she had let me in, leaving me to wait until Bella woke up. She didn't have another class for a couple more hours, so I decided there was no need to wake her just yet.

The TV had been left on and I watched it absentmindedly until I heard movement from the other room.

Suddenly Bella appeared from her room in a panic, wearing nothing but her pajamas that consisted of a little camisole and some tiny boy shorts. I was finding out more each day just how sexy of a body Bella had. When I realized she was too flustered to notice me, I cleared my throat.

Her eyes widened when she noticed me on the couch and then they narrowed from whatever conclusion she had come to in her head.

"What the hell, Edward?" she exclaimed in exasperation. "It's eleven o'clock! You knew I had class at eight thirty!" I let her finish her adorable little rant as she put her hands on her hips in defiance. "I get that you're trying to help me and all but that was totally uncalled for! I needed to be at that lecture, there was so much Briggs was covering today that wasn't in the book!"

I reached for my backpack while she was talking.

"I can take care of myself," she told me angrily. "I appreciate everything you've done for me but this is crossing a line. I needed to be at that lecture."

She kept her glare on me, like a baby seal up against me, the killer whale, as I stood up, walking over to her until we were standing no more than a foot away. Her strong demeanor slowly faded as I inched my face close enough to hers so that I could smell the lavender of her shampoo.

Her cheeks were their glorious shade of red and her whole body seemed flustered by my closeness when I slowly began to smirk and placed the notebook in her hands.

She took a step back, the previous anger from her face almost completely gone. She slowly opened her notebook I had handed her, and when she flipped through the pages to discover what I had done, her eyes began to widen. Her eyes snapped up to mine and I smiled with a shrug in response.

"That should be everything you need from today's lecture," I told her.

She opened her mouth to say something but she wasn't able to get any words out. "I'm a pretty good note taker and if you need me to elaborate on anything I'll probably be able to. Politics aren't my thing but it's not too hard to follow."

She still didn't say anything.

"Sorry for barging in," I repeated her words from a couple days ago. "I wanted to explain in person, and make sure you slept well."

Her expression turned soft, and she bit her lip, gazing up at me with her brown eyes. It caused my breath to catch, and I had to quickly shake it.

"That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me," she finally said, her voice still in awe.

She was so happy. I could see it in her eyes. Further confirmation at how little it took to make this girl happy.

She walked over to the couch I had been sitting at and sat down herself. I waited a couple seconds before I joined her. I changed the subject before I let her thank me. I turned my body completely to face her and waited until I was sure I had all of her attention.

"I know I'm not the first person to say this," I began, "But I want to be the last."

I rolled my eyes at her smirk in reaction to how my words had sounded. "Bella," I began seriously, locking her gaze with mine for the full smoldering effect. "Please please please please _please_ drop one of your classes."

I was expecting her immediate protest, but it never came. I kept going.

"You don't have to drop it completely, just save it for next semester," I suggested softly. "You aren't giving yourself anytime _for_ yourself. And a person can't live that way."

And just like I had switched the topic on her, without warning, she switched the topic on me.

She hesitated at first, breaking my gaze and looking down at her hands for a few moments before finally returning it.

"What happened at dinner the other night, Edward?" she asked quietly.

Well fuck. So much for my plan.

I had just assumed that scenario had been long forgotten since it happened almost a week ago, and I hadn't rehearsed any sort of response or answer to give had it been questioned. But damn it, the way she was looking at me with those ridiculously big brown eyes and that ridiculously fragile expression. I couldn't not give her something.

I didn't owe it to her, but maybe I owed it to myself.

I sighed, running my hand through my hair and looking away.

"Nothing you should be worried about," I answered in a low voice. She was still looking at me when I looked back, and again, I sighed. "I just have high anxiety at weird times," I explained. This wasn't a lie.

I prayed she didn't ask more, but I knew that hope was a lost cause the moment I gave her my response.

But Bella was different. Bella was inviting.

"You know how you said your dad died three years ago?" I asked finally, trying to keep the exhaustion from my voice. I locked eyes with her, and she nodded slowly.

"So did mine," I explained softly. "And my mom." I kept away as much emotion as I could, but her eyes were making that complicated. I looked away. "And my brother," I finally finished.

Her eyes were wide with shock, but they slowly returned to normal. She was careful about how she replied, though the empathy was clear on her face. She looked so sad. I wished the light would come back to her eyes, so I tried hard to quickly change the subject. She realized this when I opened my mouth to speak, and quickly spoke before I could.

"Why didn't you tell me, Edward?" she whispered. "I had no idea."

There was a lot she had no idea about. But at least now she knew the basics, and now we could move on to whatever we were doing before. She could keep being my distraction, and I could keep giving her the help she needed to take care of myself.

No strings attached.

"You've got enough on your plate," I responded, trying to lighten the feel of the air. I needed to go back to persuading her to drop her class, like I had come there to do. "The last thing you need is to be worrying about me."

She looked so conflicted, but I couldn't read her at all like I usually could.

She glanced at me again, and our eyes met. She didn't say anything, just looking at me with those damn eyes that I swear to god would be my undoing. I didn't know what was happening, and I didn't know why, but this was not the time to take a walk down memory lane. Not with Bella.

Bella was my distraction from this all. She didn't need to be my reminder.

I forced a smile onto my lips and took one of her hands in mine, knowing the physical touch from me would be able to get her mind off of her current thoughts.

"Bella, I'm fine," I insisted, squeezing it. "I'm fine."

My smile hurt but I gave it to her until eventually, she nodded and smiled back.

* * *

_It doesn't hurt me._  
_You wanna feel how it feels?_  
_You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?_  
_You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?_  
_You be running up that hill_  
_You and me be running up that hill  
_-Running Up That Hill, Placebo

**As always, thoughts? Love it? Hate it? My address so you can egg my house? ;) Plan for chapter 6 in about a week, and this time I mean it!**

_**You guys are the sleep to my insomnia. :)**_


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